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enough already

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I was exonerated over the MMR jab. Now I’m receiving abusive emails from people who are rudely accusing me of dodging the bullets. Having been taken out to dinner by a celebrity scientist and then royaly shafted over my gulls eggs I have decided not to have anything to do with cruel people who hide … Read more

Honey I shrunk my brain

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Jim put his ukelele on the roof of his car and drove off. it’s in a car park somewhere in Hornchurch. B has just been evicted from her house. She starts her new life on June 4th with a pile of trainers, a lap top and no known address. I had dinner last night with … Read more

Oldie Times

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I was so excited yesterday, not so much because I was 60 but because it was my birthday.
I have to admit that the day before, on the 23rd, the realisation that I was turning old hit me like a demolition ball.
I don’t know what it means to be sixty only that it felt like it had to be honoured.

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Brits and me

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i am writing this on my tiny little lap-top that the old man bought and set up for me. I feel like I’m Japanese. I’m sitting in the cottage kitchen, Jim’s winding up his clockwork torch and I’m all yelled out from watching the BRITS. Much too old for screaming youth, although I do like … Read more

2009

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To all of you that have blogged with me, listened to me, watched, and helped me over 2008 have a wonderful New Yea. May the best of 2008 be the worst of 2009. There wil be tails to tell and I will after I’ve finished this delicious fizzy shiraz…. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL.

Hard hats and microphones

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How can a person lose an earring twice within as many weeks.
And they are fine earrings. I’ve looked in my drawers – chest of – under the dresser, in my clothes. It has jostled me.
But it is now bedtime. I have done me bit today.
I’ve got blisters from wearing size 3 wellington boots, I’m size four.
Heat rash from wearing a mans sized yellow anorak with zipper.
Itchy follicles from wearing a white hard hat on my little hard head, all in preparation for a life times experience of seeing a shopping city before it opened.
WESTFIELD is big, so big you could spend an entire life time there and still come out with exactly the same shopping that you can get in Bluewater, Thurrock, Chelmsford and Galway.
Still I am one of those folk that has divided opinion about WESTLIFE…..sorry WESTFIELD.

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Skating on thin ice

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One of the most prominent members of the Inuit community, Aqqaluk Lynge pleaded for an end to the expansion of Stansted Airport back in May 2006. His testimony, along with several other Innuit Elders, revealed how 5,000 years of living in the Arctic was being compromised by Global Warming.
People are dying as their world is thawing around them. They truly are skating on thin ice.
Bears are compromised. Good old Sarah Palin shrugs off the threat of their extinction by ingenuously declaring;
‘Oh! They’re okay they’ll adapt to living on the land.’
It’s a pity she hasn’t.
Our Government, that I voted in, are happily giving BAA the go ahead to extend the airport so that 35 million more of us will be taking to the skies adding to the problem.
Just when will they listen.

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A life in the weak of……

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On Monday I met up with a glittering woman who bought me a Nepalese meal and talked to me about writing and publishing. On Tuesday I met up with a clear-headed woman who talked to me about stand-up and shaping a show. On Tueday night I met up with a woman who talked to me … Read more

Road to Marrakech – Part Two

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Waking up to the call to prayer made a change from the East Sussex starlings. Our room overlooked the garden with two tortoises an array of plants and an old fishing net.
Once we got the electricity back we could see that our room was big, the bed semi-soft, the shower cubicle red earth colour, whilst one wall in the bedroom was tastefully covered in mutli-coloured woven bamboo.
The wavy lines, however, were not conducive to sunstroke, local beer belly or extreme exhaustion. It was like post boat spin when you’ve travelled to Zebrugga and back in a force 8 gale and then have to interview Mr. Roy Hattersly at the House of Commons – but that’s another story.

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blighty

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Apart from sun stroke, food poisening, exhaustion, and shock, I am very well thank you. Once I have unpacked, mowed the lawn, done the accounts, sorted my washing, driven to London, found the post box key, paid the bills and emptied my head I will be back to normal. See you then.