Chinese Bedroom antics

I’ve just eaten a meal whilst sitting in a Chinese bed, in a Thai restaurant, with a South African traveller in Battersea.
The bed is six foot by six foot.
Wooden frame.
Low table in the middle of us.
Lots of cushions to sit and lie on.
More an Arabian cushette than a Chinese bed.
My guest crossed his legs, as I did mine.
We sat opposite each other.
I ordered a pot of jasmine tea.
We had spicy prawn cackers to start with then.
1. vegetable tempura with a hot and spicy sauce.
2. fried ricecrackers with something on top.
3. little baby spring rolls with a sweet chili sauce.
4. Thai fishcakes with a hot sauce.

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No handsfree I’m not a goldfish

When I got into LBC this morning the office was completely empty.
Obviously I thought the whole work force had been invited to a junket and I was being ostracised for missing my ‘news’ cue yesterday.
I opened up my emails, found the top ten list of topics up for grabs and set about reading the papers.
The silence was suddenly broken by a brace of boisterous broadcsters and Steve Allen, they had been to a presentation of the new shape of the station.
I should have been there but I’m not yet on the system so nobody thought to invite me.
I was relieved I can tell you.

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Categories LBC

I’m walking backwards from Scotland

Well, where do I start?
I think I’ll go backwards.
I’ve just called Jim and asked him to make me a file for my funny speeches, I then telephoned a woman from ‘Funny Women’, who I think is going to teach me how to do ‘Stand-Up’. I have eaten my way through a whole cabbage- boiled hard, with a knob of butter and then smothered in three slices of veggie rice cheese. I watched the cheese melt unctiously over the sweet cabbage leaves.
I’ve changed into my purple pyjama trousers with the 2 holes in the back, the small round perforations are the only way I know I’m not wearing them back to front, the outfit is topped off with a horrible blue t-shirt so now I am ready to settle down to upblogdate you all.

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Thank you for your well wishes. I am back tomorrow. I’ve rested up today because I had to go to the launch of THE LANE, Collin Browns new restaurant in Osbourne Street. It was a real swanky affair. My head hurt and my neck caned but Collin would have been gutted if I had stayed … Read more

Post Boat Spin

Spurs win 5-1 and I’ve taken to my bed. I awoke this morning with post-boat spin, nausea. I felt like I was going to die. Jim Davies is ‘me’ for a day, I hope I’m up for it tomorrow. Jackson is fine, although I don’t see enough of him. Gae, my wonder-woman, is doing it … Read more

To Dare Is To Do

Each day presents a new problem.
Working at the PC, the boss walks through, and I get like a kid in the 5th form, waiting to be tapped on the shoulder to be told I’m naughty and I’ve done it wrong!
I keep forgetting I’m 750 years old and I’m not an idiot, but let me tell you everyday presents a new learning curve.
Still in my infancy.
Today we talked about abortions, many of you phoned in even though it was such a sensitive topic. Thank you.
Then we talked about Ed Balls and cookery in schools.
As usual, you listeners kept the topic afloat.
It was very good.

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No rest for the wicked

I did not get to sleep until this morning. The reasons were many and various. On todays show my top story was less than well received – I discussed January 21st being the most depressing day of the year and comely cures for my insomnia. My new headphones made me feel sick, by the … Read more

Categories LBC

Burns unit

Imagine a big bowl of cold roasted vegetables, with just a hint of lemon and lime. Imagine cold chicken, succulent and juicy. Imagine not having to do the washing up all courtesy of your little roomies. The perfect apres show meal. Now imagine a small studio on the 3rd floor of a radio station diagonally … Read more

The Primmies are up

Yesterdays show was as different from ‘Breaking News’ as building a snowman is from whizzing down the Cresta Run. We covered Public Displays of Affection, marriage, education, ageism and litter. I talked my lips off. Today I had my new quarter light fitted, my battery tested, bought a new pink and red rug, had a … Read more

Breaking news

Today I had the steepest learning curve since sitting on stage and playing a Debussy piano piece whilst my brain cells turned to hummus. A Boeing 777 crash landed at Heathrow airport. Nobody was hurt. 8 people had minor injuries, 128 passengers were safely chuted off the plane. A wheel fell off, several LBC listeners … Read more