The sharp air cut through my befuddled head. I meditated, and researched words for the book. So I went and bought washing up liquid and three newspapers from the corner shop. The corner shop is on The Square. Rather than go back to the flat I went into the Lebanese bar. All the waiters are … Read more

The Savages

I was doing my shopping in Waitrose – ok I know its a supermarket but if I have to stock up then at least Waitrose has a conscience. I was wandering round buying bio-degradable bin bags when my phone went.
It was my old producer, Lucy, from LBC.
A news story about the wastage of left over food was being featured on their daily show. Would I like to comment as the food guru for LBC?
Just for a moment I had to take stock. Food Guru?
Rather than decline their offer I had to adjust to my new job description. Food guru! Erroneous, but understandable. I have been fronting a food programme for the last 5 years, so rather than telling Lucy to bog off I agreed.
I ran round the aisles, talking very loudly into my mobile telephone, until I found a signal that was mutually acceptable. It happened to be, quite unintentionally, right next to the cookery book section.
James O’Brien, the host of the day, was put on the line. He’s really clever, funny and a good sport. He threw me a curve ball with his first question ‘Would I ever get branded’.
Not in an advertising sense, but in a real hot metal sado-masochistic sense. I was in the middle of Waitrose remember.
‘No,’ I said, ‘I would not get branded’, although I did have a few very good scars from my Bosch iron.

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Hello Eeen….

Todays LBC was all about Halloween. TONY EDWARDS talked about the history of the Pagan festival from The Celts to now, told us a story, sung us a song, the least I could do was invite him back. Rupert Ponsonby carved us a pumpkin. Emma Angel told us about hiring costumes. That the most popular … Read more

Hickory Dickory Dock…..

it’s 23.03, although for the sake of my body clock it’s only 3 minutes past ten.
The clocks go back tonight and I’m pleased about that, an extra hour in bed.
I have to change the time on the cube radio clock in the bedroom.
I did have a round ticking clock that hung on the wall in my bedroom but Debborah, my nearasdamnitson’s paramour left it on the floor in the bathroom, because the tick was too loud, and somebody stood on it!
I have to change the clock on the microwave, the clock on the oven and the read out on my mobile. Back in the cottage there is the oven clock, the terracotta clock on the kitchen wall, the microwave clock, the old clock in the piano room, the fancy french clock in my bedroom, the radio alarm, B’s cube radio clock in the attic and then there’s the telly clock.
all that palava for an extra hour, it takes me that long to reset all the time pieces.

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Picture perfect.

The river was up today grey and swirling. My mood was a bit like the river. My printer had broken down and so had my patience.
I had a shower, got dressed then Jim and I bussed it into Piccadilly.
There was a screening at BAFTA for the new John Cusack film ‘GRACE HAS GONE’.
Watching any film at 195 Piccadilly is always a pleasure.
The seats are good , the sound perfect and the audience committed.
To become a member of BAFTA you have to be nominated, seconded and then wait, fingers crossed, to see if you’ve been accepted.
When I was sent my BAFTA card, with my own number I whooped with joy.
An encrypted video player is provided then all the years films arrive in the post. Day after day another encrypted CD pops through the letter box, it’s really excitng.
Christmas and New Year are then spent watching loads of films. Bliss.
It was always my dream to be able to watch films all day, every day and then work in them. As a student I would go to all nighters in Baker Street, take a packed lunch and sit through all the Roman Polansky films, or festivals of French movies, or happy horror hour.
Now I go to posh screenings at BAFTA, or in the West End or in Soho . I am as happy as a rhino in mud.

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From Beer to BAFTA

Sometimes my days are so full I forget myself.
Today was such a day.
It started out with a blitz of the flat,
a call on the phone,
a write of the diary,
a call on the phone,
a meditate,
an email check,
a wash of the bod,
returns of the mail,
a call on the phone,
an application of lippy,
a booking of the congestion charge,
and then

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A day in the life of a superstar……..

Hooveringironingwashing shoppingcookingsweeping shoutinglaughingcrying writingthinkingscreaming walkingdrivingrunning scrubbingdustingsweeping talkinglisteningwatching fightingcleaningweeping packingloadingspending moaningyawningsweeping moppingscrubbingeating bathingreadingsleeping zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Goosey Goosey Gander

Today Jackson was 13 years of age. Jim and I sang him Happy Birthday.
He ‘herrumphed’ a thank you, a kind of breathy neigh. I called up B, she shouted out Happy Birthday – he barked his thanks. I called Zoe, who sung Happy Birthday down the line from Brighton, Jackson barked his approval. I called up my mother who, very excitedly, sung a jolly Happy Birthday accompanying herself on her organ in Hertfordshire, Jackson was thrilled and sung along. I called up Hanna who sung Happy Birthday with Giles, our continuing son-in-law, but by this time Jackson had had enough, he abjectly refused to respond. No amount of coaxing from me would make him talk – ewuff was ewuff.
So we walked up the hill very slowly, the old boy in command, when we arrived home I gave him a dog chew, the 91 year old flopped down on his bed and went to sleep.
The perfect day.

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Pensive Ponderings

What a funny time this is.
The BBC slashing so many jobs.
Perer Fincham resigning.
ITV being accused of fraud.
Im working in an industry which is tearing itself apart.
Fewer and fewer people are able to find work, more and more of my kind are finding it impossible to make ends meet.
Names that wouldn’t be seen dead on a soap are being written into Corrie to keep a roof over their heads. Not that I have anything against Corrie, I don’t I love it, but back in the day working a Soap spelt the end of a serious career.
Acting chums are working for peanuts.
Out of work producers are selling perfume and renowned creatives are on permanent gardening leave.
It aint ‘alf ‘ard to remain positive

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Other people eat to live……

‘The Frieze Art Fair’ in Regents Park, was full of arty collectors, rich gallery owners, Richard E Grant and poseurs. Some of the work was good; I particulalry liked Evan Penny’s bald man and Pam Ferris lookalike.
They hung on the wall, as big as a Fresian Cow. The detail of their skin and hair, eyes and lips was uncanny.
But, there was too much art, too much noise, too much competition. If this is the way we sell our young artists I fear for their creativity. There was no time for reflection, it felt like a cattle market.
One young Russian was drawing lines on a laughing monkey with a silver pen. He had flown in from the Mother Country and was completing his piece de resistance before our very eyes – a sort of Slavic Rolf Harris.

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