Jeni Barnett

We see you I cant sleep, so I’ve had a mug of pea soup, finished up watching ‘Argylle’ and read the headlines. Am I going mad or is Netanyahu unhinged? He has fired something or other onto somewhere or other in Iran. he said he wouldn’t He lied. Has he ignited yet another blue touch … Read more

According to North Korea Alan Titchmarsh wears decadent trousers – denim jeans – At the age of 74 the horticultural hunk is deemed subversive by Kim Jong Un. My choice of wardrobe, over the years, has caused a huge amount of bother for several men in suits. It used to bother me but not now. … Read more

My garden is waterlogged. Instead of being able to tiptoe through the tulips I have to slip and slide my way round the Hellebores. Clumps of daffodils push their way through tangled ferns and purple crocuses under the Magnolia. I tried to meditate in the very bright sun clutching two hot water bottles and sitting … Read more

Even at my age I’m still hustling. I have the safety blanket of wonderful agents who stand between me and the vicious world of advertising. Somebody writes the adverts, produces them, directs them and the ‘talent’, as we’re known, deliver them onto your telly screens. Whether it’s fairy liquid, motor insurance or toothpaste, some poor … Read more

We’re in recession. So what’s new? We have a housing crisis. So what’s new? Schools crumbling. So what’s new? Hospitals on their last legs. So what’s new. I’m reeling from the incompetence of our government of twats. So what’s new.. And now the Labour Party are fighting anti-Semitism claims. What a fabulous distraction as we … Read more

I was born in Mile End hospital, in the East End of London. My brother, mother and father and me lived in one room. It was a slum with mice and rats and damp peeling wallpaper. I grew up in a slum opposite a synagogue. We were part of the Jewish community. When I got … Read more

The surgeon broke down on the television news as he told the story of leaving Gaza because he had nothing left to give. No drugs. No hospital. No hope. He told the story of a little boy who had lost every member of his family, as well as his arm and his leg that the … Read more

1.42a.m. I’m at the kitchen table. Two bananas have gone brown, the grapes are shrivelling and the apples have wrinkles. The old git is asleep upstairs and Rudi and Philly have stopped scrapping and have settled on and under the kitchen chair. The stove is still alight and outside is dead quiet. The fridge needs … Read more

Dennis the cat got run over. The dawter identified him by opening the black plastic sack he’d been put into by the neighbour, she held her hands aloft like an orthopaedic surgeon aftershe’d been through the bloody remains. She’d remember the markings just in case she had to identify him. Four little markings that revealed … Read more

I’ve just read the name on my new bottle of herbal tincture. JEAN BARLETT Whoever Jean is I wish her well! Hopefully the herbs will work for me too. In 1972 I got a great review in The South London Press as ‘Jerry Barrett’, and if I have had a quid for the number of … Read more