Acting is all about honesty, if you can fake that you can fake anything.
Jeni Barnett It’s so quiet I can hear the ticking clock in the kitchen and Dennis’ snoring in the sitting room. The stove is lit, earlier than normal, cos it’s a frozen-to-the-marrow-kinda-day, well it is the coldest January for ten years. I’ve made a fancy coleslaw using one of those white plastic mandolines that if you’re not … Read more
If a person from la droite critiques a person a partir de la gauche the criticism tends to take the form of accusations of anger, envy, jealousy, bitterness and lily livered vegetarianism. If a person a partir de la gauche critiques a person from la droite the critism tends to be in the form of … Read more
Today I wore my leather biker’s coat bought from the charity shop. It cost a tenner and reveals the state of my weight – if I’m doing okay the zipper goes up and I can breathe, if I’m ‘overladen’ the zipper sticks and it looks like I’ve been poured into a wet-look latex bondage suit. … Read more
We didn’t have snow, but it was cold out there, everybody wrapped up and walking in the sunshine. It got me thinking about families, and that there’s something to be said for absentee parenting. My mother was integral to my life; cooking, ironing, even writing an essay for me, that I snuck up my sleeve, … Read more
Improbable behaviour + Imperfect leadership = Imminent Impeachment. As Nobby-No-Mates, stalks the corridors of diminished power, the lacklustre Buffoon attacks his allies with petulant jibes, his auto-cued speeches delivered through a pancaked mouth, his conversational tics lulling us into a false sense of reality. Like a wet newspaper, its’ pages flapping and slapping in a … Read more
He was the handsomest boy at school, he was also the cleverest. Studying in the school library our eyes met over my broken bag of ‘Treets’, ‘milk chocolate covered peanuts with an outer shell of dark brown glazed candy,’ The sweet nuts scattered and bounced ricocheting round the parquet floor like machine gun fire. We … Read more
I know it’s early but we’ve just taken The Tree down. Oh! No! I hear you exclaim. It had to go. The dawter found it on the side of the road just before Christmas. A lovely tall tree with lots of needles that smelt divine. We have a fake tree that we’ve used for over … Read more
One potato Two potato Three potato Four. I’m in Tier two so you can fuck off out the door. Five potato Six potato Seven potato Eight You’re in Tier 4 so you can fuck off out the gate. Nine potato Ten potato Eleven potato Twelve Whatever Tier you’re in we’ll have Christmas by ourselves One … Read more
If my cottage is here, then down the road a bit and turning right will find you in what looks like French countryside. Fields and old trees, the backs of two old cottages made out of ancient brickwork, dovecotes and peach trees, old hedges and my famous avenue. So if you walk down the hill … Read more