Jeni Barnett

I was thinking about funerals, what with the Queen’s Escort and Helen McCrory, I was thinking how sombre and dignified the piper was as he played out the lament on his bagpipes. I was so shocked and saddened by the death of Ms M. that I felt the helplessness that we all feel in the … Read more

My family are immigrants. The old gits family are immigrants. Most of my friends are from Irish, Indian, Caribbean or some other shipped-in stock. Given that the earth is home to 7.674 billion people it wouldn’t be surprising if all of us aren’t related to me or to somebody who knows me or to somebody … Read more

I sat in the garden, with Dennis the cat, my face to the sky like a sunflower, I ate a salad with fennel and my new best ingredient chile oil. The cottage is filled with Irish music, because however lethargic I am I cannot resist a little jig to a band of drummers and penny … Read more

Meghan and Harry? I really can’t be arsed. She said what she said, whether it was fake, or true or just a brilliant acting job, she said what she said. Whether it was learnt, remembered or improvised she had her say. Harry stood by her, sat by her, holding her hand whilst she said what … Read more

Even people who don’t listen to BBC Radio 4 know about ‘Desert Island Discs’. Eleven o’clock of a Sunday. After the ‘Archers’ and before something else. Every Sunday at 11.45 I get a phone call from a woman living in Goudhurst, then I get a call from a woman living in Medway. We pick apart … Read more

Who can forget their first ever saucer with a piece of paper sprinkled over with mustard and cress seeds? The excitement as the little green shoots emerged, then the sheer pleasure of eating those newly sprouted leaves with a cut up hardboiled egg on a mound of cold butter that tore holes in a slice … Read more

Bacon laced with nitrates Chicken doused with bleach Using them for pigs and fowls Will fuck up all our healthy bowels It’s time to Act not preach. **** A trade deal with the US Negotiating evil Of chemically processed food That won’t do us an ounce of good Is sleeping with the Devil. **** Those … Read more

As the snow covers the Hellebores I’ve just read that James Dean would have been 90 this week, he died when I was six. Neither Mr. Dean nor Mr. Presley were visitors in our house, our house – one of the first to have quadraphonic sound – preferred to fill the air waves with Mr. … Read more

Way before Woolworths was founded a geezer out in India – Sage Patanjali – was credited with inventing Yoga. Trying to silence the mind and tie the body into self realised knots was the Sages’ gift to the world. Yoga, India’s greatest export apart from Patak’s Brinjal Pickle and Petroleum, is a discipline that is … Read more