Does my BUTT look big in this?

Saturday night and sleep eluded me. Utterly deserted me, it went next door and bedded down with Simba the dog, but not one tiny bit of shut eye visited me.
I went to bed early in the hope that I could doze having listened to Clever Trever’s little 9 min. 27 second CD.
Got up and wandered round the flat, watched some BBC IPlayer.
Went back to bed and listened to some music.
Read until my eyes felt heavy.
De Nada.
Got up and made porridge with cuinnamon and agarve syrup. Filled my belly.
Absolutely totally nothing.
Put on The World Service and listened to reporters fropm all over the world giving me info, ideas but precious little respite.
And then the slicing voice of a radio announcer cut through my sleep. At 7.15. precisely an hour and a half later after I had finally dropped off, I had to get up for the 24th Radio Show for BBC London.
I felt ill.
I felt queasy.
I felt really sick.
I had opted to drive myself into Egton House so I could get myself back to the cottage in double quick time after the show. A red people carrier was waiting for me. I knew it was for me, even though it had been cancelled, I just knew it was my driver. Two missed messages confirmed that it was, that it hadn’t been cancelled and the driver was patiently waiting for his pick up. He may still be there for all I know.

The drive to the BBC from my flat is really easy. Left at 8.53 and arrived at 8.05. See I said it was easy.
I parked outside Ozer, a restaurant with an umlaut over it’s ‘O’. and gingerly walked into the reception. The newly refurbished BBC has copper names in the paving stones. So I walked over Mont St. Michel, round Galway Bay, past Nagasaki, traversing places I have never heard of which I am trying to commit to memory… it’s no good I can’t remember them!
Walked into reception, sounded chirpier than I felt, ran my pass over the electronic eye, took the lift to the second floor and staggered into Esther, the best producer in the world. Kevin Young, the news reader offered to sit in for me BUT…
I was so tired and sickly I nearly gave in BUT I choose the music I want for my contributors and Sundays Show is normally a hoot , with clever people and the friendliest atmosphere this side of Baku – one of the copper-paving-slab-destinations…. so I supped boiling hot water, and prayed.
Mike Sarni came in and talked about Biting the Ballot, an initiative he has set up with a whole load of youngsters who believe that having an interest in poitics is good for them and us and the future.
I chose a funky piece called ‘Get Involved’ by George Soule…
Then we talked about festivals and Glastonbury, about DIY and the eating of chitterlings….testicles to you and me.
I have a regular guy from Lewisham who writes me brilliantly offensive emails, so I read out his complaint – why is it permissable to talk about mens bits but not womens on air – he has a point, if you’ll forgive the expression.
I made it through the show with the help of Sarah the gorgeous engineer, Phil the delightful phone op and my very own Esther with whom I would have babies if I weren’t already taken and over the hill.
Took the lid down of my car, plugged in my hands free and set off for home.
I am having to get used to the travelling as I have finally made the decision to leave the flat.
Yes it’s sad. Yes it’s difficult, Yes it’s inconvenient BUT, it really is time to move on. I have resisted and resisted, have talked to my girl friends, my husband, my homeopath, my acupunturist, Clever Trevor I’ve even asked the driver who is probably still pondering over it in his red people carrier in my drive way in Battersea…..
I had the most cooling of drives until I got to the A21 where I sat in the blistering heat without my hat, couldn’t find it anywhere, waiting for the traffic to weave its way through traffic cones and roadworks, called Gods Gift and managed to make him the BUTT of my anger. I finally arrived back in the cottage two and half hours later. I was pooped, I was hungry I was iriitable but most of all I was home.
Stayed up far too late watching ‘Beyonce’ do her thing at ‘Glasto’ and went to bed feeling worse than I did in the morning. Clutched hold of the ‘oosbinds arm as I thought I was dying.
I was relieved to wake this morning BUT ( blimey three BIG BUTS and A BUTT in one blog) my head still feels heavy, I still feel sick and I am still running and re-running my life without Battersea.
At 9.30 tomorrow we collect a van and drive to Hackney where the daughter has boxed up her life in preparation for moving back to the cottage too.
All change.
Corrie used to help but it’s absolute colones at the moment I can’t watch it, and anyway my eyes feel like they are being squeezed together by one of those metal lemon squeezy things you get in the Indian Restaurant.
When I do go to bed I run through all the direct debits I have to cancel, all the cupboards I have to unload, all the books and CD’s I have to box up, all the shoes, the clothes, the towels, the duvets, the furniture. Nearly 9 years of living in Sarf London, all decanted to my tiny little cottage in East Sussex…..
When I closed the front door when I left on Sunday the number ‘1’ fell off leaving me with a single digit. I did think the Gods were trying to tell me somethihng. Take ‘1’ self off now…….
I lay in the garden today trying to stop my dizzy spells and thinking about how lucky I was to have my real home. Battersea will be forever in my heart BUT….holy moley that’s another big BUT….
Does my BUTT look big in this?

9 thoughts on “Does my BUTT look big in this?”

  1. No Jeni, NO Butt ever got bigger in a down sizing. Go for it. You’ll still get your regular London fix, and save loads of cash – sounds good to me.
    This is a very good time to clear out clutter and dross from our lives. The new energy of 2012 is coming.
    And if you can’t ‘let go’ – it owns you! And your not free.
    I can’t wait for the storms to come, to wash the air and put the oxygen back. I cant frickin breath!
    Love and Light, LV

  2. Hi Jeni, sounds like your coming down with somthing. I think you need a rest, all this traveling back and forward cant be good for you. take it easy jeni, we dont want you getting poorly.Loved you on tv wednesday you looked great. lol.

  3. Oh Jeni
    Darling girl, what a year you have had, and now the flat! You must be so sad to leave. I should imagine your head is buzzing at the moment, and of course when we try to sleep everything is whirling around inside our heads.
    I wish you peace darling girl, thinking of you.
    Love June

  4. Hi Jeni, Firstly hopefullly by now you are feeeling much better, it was probably stress. Secondly the end of an era re Battersea/Hackney, goodness you will all be together in one little nest how wonderful. I trust you are remaining with BBC London? as the other side LBC now have Anthony Davis back I am hoping they will now realise how valuable you were, I sooooo miss your afternoon show. Anyway pastures new and all that keep your spirits up, hug those trees and always remember to give the ooosband a hug for no reason just because. Love to all xxhugxx

  5. The bigger the better – rain reclamation in the current drought in the southeast your contribution towards saving the planet …

  6. I have only ever moved house once in my life. I was four, so the memory is somewhat vague….and it was a distance of about 100 yards. Yes, yards. I never went metric with any real enthusiasm. And of course it was across the street. I do recall our minister at the time passing the bottom of the road and jogging up to lend a hand pushing the piano down to the new house. Nearly killed him as he was a 40 a day man.
    It must take real effort to make the choice to uproot your life and shift location. I hope all goes well for you now, Jeni. Don’t fret about the buts.

  7. well it all sounds fantastic, you clearly needed a bit of change and excitement
    this should keep you on the up.
    The future must not be held hostage by the past.
    Twenty years from now you’ll be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.
    – Mark Twain
    Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
    – Goethe

  8. Dear Jeni. Golly this seems to be the end of an era! You have moved back full time to your lovely cottage just south of Tun Wells! I can understand exactly how you must be feeling after finally leaving your other nest overlooking the thames and Chelsea just over the water from your balcony there! You have also brought B down to the cottage as well so in a way you are all together again under one roof! You and Jim and B. I do hope that you will enjoy yourselves down there. I Know you will as its so nice down there in that area with some really glorious walks that will redden your cheeks and give you a really healthy look! (No Jeni I Diddent mean BUTT cheeks! Ha Ha!). Anyway good luck in your decision to move back to the cottage and leave the Battersea flat! and i think all our prayers are with you and the family that all will be a life down there of health and happiness and most of all contentment! Oh Jen do you remember my blog to you from Bad Salzuflen i did on Monday! well i got the flight from Hannover Flughafen to Gatwick at 7 45 and flew into Gatwick through clouds so thick and dark as we were landing. the plane shuddered and almost turned upside down1 i really felt i was on a ride at Alton towers! anyway we landed OK and i got off talking to the guy who had sat next to me on the flight(He is actually in Boy Band) but i feel i must not disclose his name here for obvious reasons!) anyway we walked from gate 102 over that huge bridge that is built for the planes to go under. you go up an escalator that seems to be going to heaven seemed like the hight of st pauls cathedral when you got to the top then a long walk over (travelator not working!) then down the escalator to the bottom! and miles to Passport control where i think the whole world was trying to get into England I waited in line for 1 hour befora a woman with a sour look took my pasport and ran it through her machine and then gave it back to me without uttering even one word! (theres obviously lots of job satisfaction in her Job! Ha Ha! we then waited to find which area had our cases then Boy Band Lad and i went to area 2 and lo and behold our cases were the first to arrive on the rubber carousel so we got the luggage then headed for the transit to south terminal and The Gatwick Express got on with only one min st spare and off it sped to Victoria. i said by by to Boy Band Lad and i thought to myself . Jeni always gets the 170 to her flat from Victoria si w went round the corner and got the 170 past your old flat Jeni and on to Putney Heath got out and dragged my rolling case into the flat. very relieved to be home at last. and then i read your blog about you leaving the flat for good in battersea and felt a twinge and tear of sadness for you. they will miss you in Battersea square and also at the Bickram in Balham! Good Luck now your back in your own home with the family Jeni. and i want to wish you great success in the future as your a very special lady jeni in a lot of our hearts . Lots of Love and God Bless you and the family and love to all your Bloggers too from Terry XXXXX

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