SPASS MIT GUMMI

I had no idea my posts caused such consternation.
I thought I was being funny.
But people are telling me what a bad time I’m having. What a grizzly, awful place I’m in. That were I not staying alive I should really be dead.
I’m ok, really I am, although everything is like looking at life through CBD gummies.
It could be worse.
I decided to go and and see the autumn leaves in Sheffield Park, near North Chailey where Ian Dury went to school.
I drove, and mounted the kerb – the sunlight is so strong today.
I drove and followed the signs to the Bluebell Railway, went past it and ended up in the middle of nowhere I knew.
I’d missed the turn off.
When I left the cottage this morning a bee buzzed past my left ear.
I remembered doing a phone in on LBC about the sounds of summer.
Some said it was leather on willow. Others aid it was the sound of the breeze though leaves in the sunlight. One bloke said summer was the whirr of lawn mowers. Mine is a single bee.
Bees buzzing as they fly past flower to flower is one of my favourite sounds tracks.
So today I decided to be more aware and look at the shiny leaves and smell the autumn grass. The cows have munched their way through the end field so the musty smell of damp grass filled the air.
I found myself on a lovely detour, driving through a place called Gallipot Street.
Ancient memories of one of my first performances. I created Rosy Tips, an ostensibly innocent young girl with the mouth of a sewage pipe. I discovered a song from 1913, ‘Has anybody seen my Tiddler’.
A ridiculous musical hall song full of double entendres.
‘Poked his finger in me Gallipot ….’ just one of the lines.
Another early job was standing on stage, in Munich, working a rubber band off my head by using my facial muscles. I stood alone at the front of the stage, when the rubber band shot off the top of my head the audience cheered. The act was called ‘SPASS MIT GUMMI’, which loosely translated means FUN WITH RUBBER.
The sound track of Stravinsky’s ‘Firebird’ accompanied me as I drove through old forests and single roads and arrived at Plawhatch.
I had sucked on two CBD gummies before I left the house. And yes I was stoned and DIDN’T KNOW IT!!!!!
Plawhatch is a shop of raw cheese, eco bits, organic fruit and bread that costs more than a pair of Nike trainers.
I parked the car and opened the window. Sat in the sun and decided not to eat apple cake and left.
The sun is low, making driving difficult in this neck of the woods. Through the searing sunlight, finally home, safe and sound.
I’m not meself today. Feel wobbley and out of my body.
‘It’s the fucking cannabis sweeties you fucking idiot.’ said my higher self.
Wanted to call home and get help but the old git is resting and the dawter went to Sheffield Park.
I don’t regret getting lost, Had on Radio 3 and Georgia Mann, who I could listen to all day. Warm voice, sense of humour and drops in knowledgable facts without sounding like a pompous twat.
Then Radio 4 for the lunchtime news.
So it appears that Andy Burnham wants to stand for the Labour leadership.
Back biting and being accused of being ‘craven’ whatever that means. A struggling Government that doesn’t know its arse from its elbow. I hate criticising the Labour Party, they get enough flack from without, but to be honest, adopting diluted Tory policies is not a good look.
Good for Andy if he wants to stand up for basic values of decency.
Good for Mr. Burnham if he wants to re-introduce basic Christian Values. Although I don’t think Christianity is serving us very well at the moment.
We do need an alternative version of reality. If Jesus were to walk through the high street only his father could make sense of Vape shops, nails bars and barbers.
A high street dedicated to shaven folk with long nails coughing up phlegm from their popcorn lungs is the face of the future.
Where are the bakers and butchers and greengrocers?
AI is taking toll of ordinary jobs.
The money handlers are the only ones pocketing good fortune. It’s time for the last to be first and the grabbing, greedy bastards to be put in their rightful place at the back of the queue.
I’m going to twist an apple from the apple tree and sit in the sunshine.
I may even fall asleep.
Oh! wait though, here comes that bee again.