I failed maths GCE.
I failed it again.
I failed it the third time figuring a protractor would not be needed in my chosen profession.
I can’t Sudoku.
I count on the fingers of both hands when paying for groceries.
And yet somehow I manage to do the accounts every month – using a calculator – although I’m not ‘alf bad at mental arithmetic.

I can’t do trigonometry
I am hopeless at squaring the root of all evil.
I dont understand percentages, but I can manage to do the sums when the agent takes 20% of my hard graft.

I’m no good on logarithms.
But I can skip through my times tables
When it comes to fiscal events I have to ask the old git what hiking taxes and cutting National insurance really means.

Kwasi Kwarteng went to Eton.
KK went to Harvard.
KK went to Cambridge.
KK has a barrister for a mother.
KK and a father who is an economist.
KK is from Ghanaian lineage.
KK should know better than to rob the poor but, hey ho, he has been properly educated in the ways of the ruling class.
In the schoolrooms of Eton, Harvard and Cambridge KK learnt the rules of trickling down, levelling up and the supremacy of social order. The boy did well given his heritage.
However Kooky Kwasi Kwartang should know better.
Why doesn’t he use all his learning and intelligence to help our ailing population as opposed to shunting them down the shitshoot.
KKK has a briefcase and a shiny suit.
KKK is tall and worth a cool £5million.
KKK is as thick as thieves with The Truss.
KKK passed all his maths exams.
KKK knows how to add and subtract.
So why is he such a fucking idiot?

When the old git and I add up the figures for our yearly income even I can see that there’s more going out than there is coming in.
I can see there’s way too much being spent on baguettes and salted butter.
When the bill for the cess pit comes in I can see we are paying way too much for shovelling shit down the sewer.
With the water filter and an occasional bath I can see that we are literally pissing water down the drain.
When I use the Tagine, I know that the small gas flame is heating up half a lambs cheek for the cost of servicing an electric Mercedes. When KKK does his accounts he can see that he is richer than the whole of Bolton, South West Norfolk and Spelthorne council budgets put together.

KKK gets spittle in the corners of his mouth.
KKK looks frightened.
KKK keeps his head down.
Poor KKK – who’d have thought with all his schooling he’d turn out to be such a duncydeedle.

Did the lean Etonian ever imagine he would be the target of baying brokers?
Did the shabby Cambright ever imagine he would be pinned down by the arms of the British bank?

KKK was told to take the lid off bankers bonuses.
KKK was told to give the very, very, very, very rich a tax cut.
KKK was told to give cuts to the paupers who have nothing left to cut.
KKK was told to smile into the camera as his lick spittle policies tossed the pound into the gutter.

See what I’m doing here, talking economics, me who failed their maths exams three times even though they cheated twice, me the thicko from Aldgate talking the politics of trickledown.

KKK has put the fear of God into;
KKK has reminded the British Nation that there are them that went to Eton and beyond, who still have the wherewithal to eat out, drink out and going out out on holidays as well as buying new shoes, whilst the rest of us read the gutter press and realise that the likes of us have been educated – dare I say brainwashed – into doing their dirty bizness.
No strikes please.

Get rid of Holly and Phil they shriek – who told them to say that?
Get rid of the European Union they holler – who told them to say that?
Get rid of the unions they squeal- who told them to say that?

The pound has sunk lower than The Rt Hon Thérèse Coffey’s breasts, whilst the Greater Britishers sit in the sun, reading the ‘Sun’, whilst the sun goes down on everything they hold dear.

KKK is a new breed of politician.
KKK is the new re-brand of the Tory party.
KKK is blind to reality, deaf to the truth and is unperturbed that he is fertilising the soil for the likes of Meloni, Akesson and Orbán.
KKK is the predicator of hate.
KKK is a man who should know better
His family came from a country of inequality but, now that he is top of the pile, he can’t see beyond his own golden balls.

Looking down on KKK I pity him.
I pity his puppet masters who have got tangled up in the strings.
‘KKK the puppet can do anything
Swing on a swing
Even take wing for
KKK the puppet can do anything
Just as somebody else pulls the strings’.

I have Dyscalculia, numbers and stuff do my fucking head in BUT given the state of our economy I bet if me and the old git were to put our heads together and, using a fine pencil, a rubber and a calculator, we could come up with a sum that tips KKK’s figures into a cocked hat. We could figure out what pennies to put where and with the help of a little compassion we could fill the coffers with kindness.
KKK is like the constipated mathematician who worked it out with a pencil

Dear KKK, you and your policies are covered in excrement, and the odds are that you and your unworthy calculations will go down the pan along with wonky rulers, battered moral compasses, unhelpful dividers and wooden set squares.
For, make no mistake, KKK, after twelve years of subtractions and a dozen years of grossly quantified uneasing your time is up.

Just what did they teach you at all of your good schools?
Did they tech you the capacity to share?
Did they teach you egalitarianism?
Did they teach you justice?
Did they teach you empathy?
Or did they teach you entitlement?
Did they teach you all for one and one for one?
Did they teach you individualism?
Did they teach you privilege?
Did they teach you ‘I’m alright Jaque’?

Dear KKK you and your new brand of politicians frighten me.
From Italy to Albania your new leaders couldn’t care less about any of us. So using all my tried patience I say, “May the light shine on you always and may men and women of goodwill close the doors on evil,” for you KKK need to sit in the back of the class and let the likes of Lammy take over.

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