Difficult Viewing.

Been watching old VHS’s from 1982 to now…..
My image changes. Happy, sad, fat, thin, pregnant, ageing.
Watching my life flash past on the screen was a painful experience.
All that for what?
All that and why?
All that and who’d have thought it.
Never realising that time passes. When you’re young there are endless possibilities.
I kept the tapes that made me laugh. The ones where I looked particularly scrummy. The ones where I looked particularly uncomfortable.
Doesn’t matter how many boxes are kept in the attic, how many skeletons, how many closets, life rolls on.
And Oh! How I would have changed the direction, the writing, the image.
Oh! How I would have changed the shouting and the eggy moments.
Oh! How I would have changed the hamming and overacting.
Sitting there with David FROST ( DEAD)
Alan Arkin ( NOT DEAD)
Maureen Lipman – disliked me.
Jackie Collins – liked me.
Playing the Piano.
On and on with mini celebrities including Gary Glitter and Jimmy Savile.
All those innocent years not knowing how things would change and work out.
It is like looking back through a photo album only the moving image stamps the reality.
I did it. The life of the hustling presenter.
And now I’m looking at the next twenty odd years.
If reviewing those tapes taught me anything it was about living in the moment, Loving who you are whether shiny and bright or shady and antique.
Waking and being grateful to still be here. Enjoying the ride.
A box of my work is going to the tip. The tapes will rot, images fade. Little Richard in a skip, Gene Hackman hurled into the landfill.
My grandchildren will still have a handful of memories. Perhaps I need to create some more moments for them.
Lets see, where to begin?

1 thought on “Difficult Viewing.”

  1. Lucky you – you have a set of images to review; brave you – chucking many (even if keeping some). It’s always sobering when you take an account, whether jogged by external images (with the dubious merit of ‘objectivity’) or by internal remembered moments (which can only be subjective) and heartening when you realise you actually did live in that moment even though there are only less moments ahead. It all passes by so quickly. What did the Dalai Lama say? – there is only now. Love/light Lyn xxx

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