Bedtime Stories

I went to my acupuncturst. Chatted for a bit and then I lay down on her couch.
The room is tiny. One little white sink on the wall, a mirror hanging over it. A trolley with needles and assorted acupunctual accessories stands in front of an antique medical chest of drawers. in front of which is the aforementioned bed.
The distance between the trolley and the bed is big enough for the patient and acupuncturist to hug.
A chair sits in front of a small desk which sits in front of the window. Books, a malleable skeleton with all the meridian lines drawn on it, various pen pots, card holders and files are neatly laid out on the desk top. A vase, which today held three ‘penis on plates’, you know those lovely rude flowers, stands on the windowsill.
The patient takes the seat. A big, wooden and metal in-laid,antique Chinese chair. It is rounded at the back, has two arms, inner arms, foot holder and a red cushion on the seat. It’s extremely comfortable. The consultation takes place from the chair to the desk, afterwhich I have to pull out the step from under the bed so I can climb on top of it.
I am only small.
Today I had needles in my head, my belly my toes all to help me sleep.

My lack of zzzzzzzzzz’s, otherwise known as insomnia, was the first topic we discussed.
Lavender in the pillow, sucking on honeycombe as a sedative, exercise and childrens story tapes were all advised for a good nights kip.
I can’t sleep when the ‘oosbind is in the flat. We eat too late, the bed is not big enough and everything is all just a little too warm.
I was up at 3.30 a.m making porridge. Good old organic oats with my fave soya milk, in a yellow box. I’ll get the name later.
So any kind of advice to keep my head on the pillow was welcome.
Then we talked about the best pub in London, which is The Jerusalem Tavern.
I bigged up the WOODMAN off Battersea Square. Huge soft settees, great sausage and mash, drop down telly for football and very nice human beings who frequent it.
School Governors, pushy mums. You were very quiet about them two but then I interviewed a young woman who suffers from bi-polar disorder.
SOPHIE PELHAM has written a one woman show CALL ME IF YOU FEEL TOO HAPPY which she is playing at the OLD RED LION in London. She was a fascinating young woman who has used drama to entertain, educate and elucidate. There but for the grace of God go you or I.
By the time we had finished the show I was cream- crackered.
But managed to get to the acupuncturist in time, please refer to the top of the blog for info on her room….
I hope you will try and come to THE RADLETT CENTRE, on NOVEMBER 29th, for an AUDIENCE WITH MOI!. It is a Saturday, not Friday as I have been telling everybody….
The details of the location and ticket getting is on their website.
I trust you are all manageing to keep afloat after the last few weeks.
My boss asked me today whether I had any savings.
‘No’ I said with the upward inflection of a spoilt teenager.
‘But you must have some?’ he said amazed.
‘Nothing’ I laughed; ‘I owe money in this account, that account and even more when the Vatman calls.’
‘At your age you should be loaded….’ there was a tiny note of pity.
‘Look.’ I said, ‘When you get to my age and wake up in the morning that is bonus enough.’
So assuming I do wake up tomorrow, I look forward to talking to you.
You lot sleep well – I bloodiwell hope I do.
cuallsoon.