Michael and Selby

No, I can’t tell you what the food pilot is called. It’s not that it’s bad luck. It’s just that I’m not allowed to say anything. But thanks for your good wishes.
This morning I drove my daughter to Paddington. The traffic was catastrophic. We made it but I had to stop in a wine bar and borrow their restroom. Not literally – I left it fitted to the wall.
I had my pink Crocs on and slipped on the floor, landing on my knee. One of the regular drinkers looked at me and pondered as to whether to knight me with his ham baguette. He offered his hand instead.
I drove home in the teeming rain dodging all the traffic by taking what is a now a familiar route, West-ish, thanks to LBC.
I ate a lot, and continued to do so on the way back to Sussex, stopping off in Gypsy Hill for a spot or two of chocolate. I never normally eat it but the last week has reduced my strength and a good boost of milk chococrap really did the trick. Hello to the woman in the offy.
When I got into the suburbs of T’Wells I got lumbered behind a little white Robin Reliant.
I thought about how I never really watched ‘Only Fools and Horses’ as that kind of comedy ‘classic’ used to irritate me. I thought about how I could call the little white RR ‘Trotters’ something or other but felt it would be fraudulent since I don’t know the series that well…

Then I got extremely arsy as they were going about 14 miles an hour and I was beginning to fall asleep at the wheel. So, I overtook them by the butchers and looked back in my rear view mirror. There, stuck on the windscreen, as bold as brass, in good old sticky backed plastic was the name of the driver and his consort – Michael and Selby.
When I told Jim, he asked me whether they were gay. I couldn’t really see into the cab as the rain had been raining and everything was murky. But Selby looked awfully small in the passenger seat, so it may have been a woman or a very small geezer, whilst Michael sat straight backed and completely oblivious of the chaos around him.
Slow drivers really are the curse of Tunbridge Wells. Not content with being disgusted, they are often disqualified for being distracting on the road.
I bent down lower, better to see in my mirror, so I could get a really good glimpse of Selby. I wanted to see what the owner of such an unusual handle looked like. But I nearly ran over a fox. Selby, if you ever read this blog, give us your details please, and remind Michael he needs to drive a tad faster – he is not a milk float.
I finally arrived home, safe but flustered. Jackson was so happy to see me whilst Emmy meowed until I fed her – twice. The garden is very green, the flowers are mostly dead, some apples have been blown off the trees but the lushness is, well, lush.
Apart from a letter for BB demanding important documents for her grant – she has missed the deadline – ruddy students, the post was pretty benign. Although my phone bill from the States was humungus. Well, I knew it would be. It always feels worse when the deed is done and you’re home again. If I had remained silent and just thought about Jim as opposed to talking to him, we would be quids in. But then, if my auntie Becky had Gonads, she would have been uncle Becky.
Jim is driving back after the show tonight. We’ll have a lie in then enjoy the cottage for a day.
I’m staying here this week, so I think it’s time I started writing. My book is singeing – how to you spell that burning word? – on the back burner.
I have no idea what is going to be thrown at me next. This living in the moment, apart from demanding choclit, is fab. I can do whatever I want. And so I shall.
It’s 20.28. I shall settle down to some calls from girlie friends. I should have gone to a hen night tonight but by the time I got home I was clucking knackered.
That’s it. Short, brief and fitting for for a Saturday night in. If you had water problems, I hope you are coping. TTFN & CUSoon.

9 thoughts on “Michael and Selby”

  1. Loved the description but there is no Michael and Selby. The car?! is from Michaels of Selby, a dealership in Selby Yorkshire if it’s still there that is.

  2. Sad though it is, I only discovered yesterday that GFL was not having a break for the summer! Despite watching the show on a regular basis from the very beginning, I had completely missed that it had been axed and assumed that the dreadful Market Kitchen was a cheap fill-in whilst GFL had a break!
    Having subsequently discovered your blog, I have spent the last 24 hours reading every single entry. It is SO entertaining! Bloody good reading and great fun. I feel I have lived each entry with you!
    So, now I’ve found it, I shall continue to read it. I dearly hope you will be back on the telly really soon. You are funny, informative, a really good presenter and they made a desperate mistake in axing the show! If it all goes horribly wrong, you could publish your blog as a book!
    Enjoy your week in the cottage, I grew up just down the road from the Boar’s Head, it is a lovely area! Thanks for the entertainment on GFL, thanks for the blog and keep going!

  3. I’m SO pleased (and not surprised) to hear things are taking off for you now. Fabulous. My boyfriend and I are two of your many loyal fans… and I love your blog.

  4. I confess to visiting your blog only every now & then. So pleased to have done so today as there is talk of a new Pilot – being a simple male, I am not quite sure whether it is for a radio or TV show. So hope it is the latter so we can see your responses as well as hear them. It will be s good to be afforded a regular daily dose. Good luck with all the new ventures! So looking forward to seeing you again.

  5. Hi Jen, I managed to catch a bit of your prog on Thursday,you was good girl! Have fun at the cottage this week, and good luck for the pilot lots a luv Judi xx

  6. Hi Jeni,
    So about this book,huh? Get it writ so we can buy it, OK? How about a autobio?
    Nice to think of you in the cottage. Sounds like you have so many good things going for you so ENJOY!
    We had rain here in Carcassonne for the first time in weeks. Have been thinking about you all in London with more rain than you need.
    Chris x

  7. What a hoot, I’m still chuckling at Michael & Selby – whether they were gay or not, you peering around for Selby, and now all these folk saying it’s a car company. You’re a star turn Barnett …xxxxx & oooooo

  8. Hi Jeni, fingers croosed for the foodie programme as I am in withdrawal, I stopped watching after trying with “soup kitchen” but hating it so am keeping everything crossed that I can.
    For your shampoo without nasty’s in have you tried Aveda?, no rubbish and they still foam so you get the feeling that you are getting the dirt out, lovely stuff. Still loving your blog, take care. Carole.x

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