Jeni Barnett

The House of Windsor is a crumbling relic. The House of Representatives is 15 times as toxic as a septic tank. The House of Fraser no longer has the cache it used to have. The House of JB, however, is about to get a clear out. The cellar is so full of unwanted crockery, saucepans, … Read more

After the big melt two things happened. Our cellar flooded and South East Water turned our water off. After the rain came two things happened. Our cellar flooded again and South East Water turned our water off. Burst pipes, leaves on the line, racoons wrestling, whatever the excuse we are without water. Cooking, teeth brushing, … Read more

What the strike! Nurses Midwives Ambulance workers Railway Folk Postal People Baggage handlers Teachers Civil servants Tube Stations Bus Drivers University Staff Driving Examiners Eurostar Security Staff The Tories started the strike wave A general strike wave In such a way that The strikers do say that The Sunak Brigade Most certainly do have a … Read more

Today I feel sad. The kind of sadness that gnaws away in your solar plexus. I’m not alone everybody I know feels sad. It’s like suspended animation, like the world is holding its breath. Like everything that’s awful is being hidden in plain sight. Like the Green Party have given up because the local Tories … Read more

Thursday comes round quicker these days. One minute we’re eating Sunday fare, then before you know it it’s ‘Strictly Come Prancing’ . Einstein has a lot to say about time and speed and age and stuff, I understand a tiny bit, but only a gnat’s testicle’s worth. I’m ‘right brained’ which means I’ve got as … Read more

We have a NAD STEREO INTEGRATED AMPLIFIER A DENON CD PLAYER a SONY DIGITAL RADIO and a FOSTEX GRAPHIC Equalizer. They stand one on top of each other under a shelf of games and two shelves of CD’s which stand on top of loads of large gardening books and the landline which stands on top … Read more

I was given 6 freshly laid eggs by a delightful family who rescue dogs, chickens and children. The eggs are dated in pencil and now lay in a brown bowl, sitting on a round wooden bread board gifted to me by Anthony Worrall Thompson. The rain has drenched the pear tree outside the window and … Read more

There’s a low sun in the garden. If you place the chair between the shadowy oak tree and the overgrown Laurel bush on the other side of the fence you can get a warm few rays. The smell of autumn pervades. I took the broom to the front garden this morning and swept up piles … Read more

I’ve just watched the Jeremy Paxman documentary about his Parkinson’s Disease. We met a woman who can smell Parkinson’s, a doctor who can see the Parkinson’s mask on a face, and Sharon Osbourne who supports her rocknroll husband Ozzy, who is a Parkinson’s sufferer. The film made me cry. ‘There for the grace of God’ … Read more

I failed maths GCE. I failed it again. I failed it the third time figuring a protractor would not be needed in my chosen profession. I can’t Sudoku. I count on the fingers of both hands when paying for groceries. And yet somehow I manage to do the accounts every month – using a calculator … Read more