Houseworkery…

Housewiffery is on the agenda today.
Sometimes I don’t mind it, today its alright as it’s the only thing that will warm me up.
I couldn’t sleep so I watched Jessica Double Thingy simper her way through ‘Sex in the City’. I’ve never watched the series before but I’m intrigued by the story telling.
My inabilty to sleep was not helped by putting Tiger Balm on my knees. The smell of menthol got right up my nose.
As did Jessica Double Thingy’s simpering.
I finally was laid to rest at 4.00a.m.

I also blame my near-as-damn-it-son who called me with an idea. My head was scene hopping, jump cutting and storyboarding all ruddy night.
Now, at 1.10 I have to catch up on my head work. Then do the washing, do the ironing, do the vacuuming and finish off a book I’m reading for Sunday’s show. The programme is honouring Mothers Day so I have a waistband of women coming onto the show talking about how to be a mother, where to be a mother, why to be a mother and how to make money out of it.
The women are mostly Oxbridge educated, with journalistic backgrounds, husbands and a well published sense of humour….
I am neither Oxbridge educated nor a journalist and after a lifetime of the ‘oosbind have all but lost my sense of humour somewhere between the Registry Office and Waitrose.
I called my ma this morning – as I always do – to make sure she was ok. Her phone went daft yesterday. I asked her whether the phone was now working properly, she got into a panic because she said she couldn’t find the handset. When she realised she was talking to me on the handset she was looking for I hung up leaving her laughing in the long distance.
I remember the time she went down the hill to buy my father a pack of fags from the one room pub a good ten minute walk away. Five minutes later she knocked on the front door. Strange that she should have gone out without her key, which was always in her purse which was always in her bag. Instead of slipping her handbag over her arm she had slipped the kettle – Ah! the fun we had back in the 60’s…..
I’m going now I’ve got things to do, thankfully its raining so I can’t distract myself with pulling up weeds….Jessica Double Thingy and her three city gals would make a really sexy programme about housework, looking like sexy scrubbers. I wonder what they would make of my charity dressing gown and odd socks?
Do I care?
You bet your sweet bippy I care who wouldn’t want to be washing the toilet bowl wearing Manolo Blahnik shoes, and that’s me not the lavatory….